Man, I'm Sensitive!

As you know a pregnant woman's emotions are usually out of whack. All women are different and have different levels of hormones then others. Which explains different outcomes of experiences and actions. Well this woman is extra sensitive. I had one of those moments during the day the other day when I was sitting on the couch thinking.... This can sometimes be dangerous on my part. I don't remember how the chain of thoughts actually started but I started thinking about what if something happen to me and I died. I would be sad because I would be apart from my family for a while, that would hurt. I thought to myself would Mark get remarried? Oh just the thought of that RIPS my heart out and crumbles to pieces. Then I thought what if something happen to Mark and I was left alone to raise our girls by myself. What would I do? Could I love again? Would I want to? Would I be angry at God for taking my soul mate away from me? The answers to all those questions were a bold NO! Of course when I was thinking about these things tears filled my eyes, my chest got tight and I just could not breathe. Even writing this is so hard. Anyhow, as I'm having these thoughts I wished at that moment Mark would come through the door and give me a huge passionate kiss. Little did I know that was about to happen. I heard the door knob shake as if someone was trying to open the door. Out swings the door and Mark walks through. I was so embarrassed! He was supposed to be at work. I thought I was safe from thinking freely like I was. But he had to do some errands for his boss and decided to stop at home to get a quick bite to eat. I was mortified! Here I am in the middle of the day just crying. He must have thought I was crazy! I quickly took a deep breath, wiped away the tears and pretended that everything was okay. I gave him a big kiss and said oh, I gotta go to the bathroom. What I was really doing was to check if my face was a mess. Why in the world would I share this with you? Well just to let you know it's never safe to have thoughts like that. Not because you never know who would walk in on you and be absolutely mortified but spiritually it does damage. It's one of the way's Satan plants seeds of fear in your heart and it's so important that we live life by FAITH & not by fear. That our decisions, righteous desires, actions & passions are done by FAITH. Reflecting on this experience is what generated one of my goals for February.

Goals for February:

Body: allowed only one treat a day

Mind: Read at least 4 times a week from a book other then the scriptures

Spirit: Live each day as if the Lord is coming tomorrow



P.s I just finished this book called "I Am A Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson. Have you heard of it? It's sooooooooooooooooo good. Loved it, Loved it, loved it! There was this one quote that I really loved in her book on page 58. She quotes from Christine Northrup who was referring to a mother's powerful influence which starts from the womb. and she says "Our cells divided and grew to the beat of her heart. Our skin, hair, heart, lungs and bones were nourished by her blood, blood that was awash with the neurochemicals formed in response to her thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. If she was fearful or anxious..., our bodies knew it. If she felt safe, happy, and fulfilled, we felt that too...." You can only imagine how tender that is to read it while a baby is forming within you. Enjoy!